The Gift of Resilience: Why Mistakes Matter
As a headteacher and as a parent, I’ve often found myself torn between the instinct to step in and the knowledge that sometimes the very best thing we can do is step back.
We all want the best for our children. We want to protect them, smooth the bumps in the road and help them succeed. It comes from love - fierce, instinctive, unwavering. But over the years, I’ve come to realise something important: part of helping our children flourish is allowing them the space to get things wrong.
That’s not easy. Not for any of us.
But mistakes are where learning happens. Real, deep, lifelong learning. When children forget their homework, spill the paint water, get something wrong in a friendship or struggle with a piece of work, they’re not failing. They’re practising. Practising how to recover, reflect and move forward. In those very human moments, resilience begins to take shape.
Resilience isn’t something you either have or don’t; it’s built. Slowly, quietly, often through tears and little triumphs.
And we can support that in the gentlest of ways. By being close, but not crowding. By offering a listening ear instead of a quick fix. By swapping “Why did you do that?” for “What do you think you might do next time?” And by reminding ourselves that our child’s journey isn’t meant to be flawless - it’s meant to be theirs.
At school, we see this every day. A child who loses their lines in the play but carries on, a child who owns up to a mistake and makes it right, a child who doesn’t win but claps the loudest for someone else. These are small moments on the outside but inside, they’re building something strong and steady.
We don’t always talk about it, but parenting today comes with a lot of pressure. I see it, I feel it, and I want to say: you're doing brilliantly. There is no perfect approach, no single right way. But if you ever feel the urge to step in and save the day, it’s okay to pause. To breathe. To remember that this moment might be one they learn from - even more than they would from getting it right.
So next time something goes a little bit wrong; a forgotten water bottle, a missed bus, a wobble in class - know this: it could be a step towards something even more important than success. It could be a step towards resilience.
And that is a gift that will serve them for life.
Claire Holloway
